Craig Daily Press / Caroline Dotson: The power behind ‘Three Little Words’

June 25, 2008

Craig — Thousands of children every year get tossed around in the foster care system.

Ashley Rhodes-Courter, author of “Three Little Words: A Memoir,” is one of them. She spent nine years being shuffled among 14 different foster homes.

Ashley was placed in foster care at age 3 because of her mother’s drug use. Ashley didn’t see her mother’s faults and thought she could do no wrong.

Without explanation, she and her younger brother, Luke, were separated from their mother. Ashley was passed among four foster homes before she and her brother were taken to their grandfather’s house.

Their grandfather had a girlfriend, Adele, that loved and took good care of Ashley and Luke. But, their grandfather couldn’t quit drinking and accidentally shot himself.

Adele had no rights to the children. Ashley and Luke were forced back into the homes of strangers.

With all the changes in homes, caseworkers and schools, Ashley was not able to trust people and felt she always had to protect herself and her brother, Luke.

The summer before second grade, Ashley and Luke were placed in the Moss’ home for almost a year. This home was the most abusive and traumatic. With as many as 14 foster children living under one roof, the only way Mrs. Moss knew how to handle them was by sending them outside in caged pens, punishing them by eating hot sauce and making them run laps in the yard.

After a few investigations, Ashley was moved out of the Moss’ home only to be passed between shelters and homes of people who did not know how to deal with her behavior.

Once Ashley and Luke were appointed a child representative, their lives started to turn around.

When she was 8, Ashley was placed in a children’s home where her life finally became stable. Ashley was able to attend the same school for several years where she made friends and gained confidence.

Prospective parents often visited the children’s home and many children were adopted. After four years, the Courters began the adoption process.

The Courters worked hard to win Ashley’s trust. Multiple foster care placements and her mother’s neglect made her very guarded.

On the adoption day, Ashley muttered the three little words, “I guess so,” that gave her the warm, loving family she deserved.

During Ashley’s high school years, she filed lawsuits against the state and the Moss’ for the abuse she endured while under state care. As a young adult, Ashley became a speaker at conferences. Judges, social workers and foster parents learned Ashley’s life is an example of how children slip through the cracks.

“Three Little Words: A Memoir” helped me understand foster and adoptive children. I was shocked at how a child’s life was ruined while in the care of a government system. If it weren’t for the people that helped Ashley find stability and a great home, she may have been beyond emotional repair. This story is full of hope and may inspire others to overcome their hardships and speak out.

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25 June 2008 at 2 p.m.

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pixiestyxs (Anonymous) says…

Oh gosh, I do understand. I was abused in foster homes also. I was put into a basement when my grandmother(licensed foster care mother) had too many children in her home. Time down in the dirt basement was frightening when I was 3.
I was forgotten many times and the lights were out. Not only was my grandmother a foster parent and horribly abusive, but my parents were also foster parents. I remember having a foster brother who was 9 and he had a cleft lip and wore dentures. My father constantly bullied him and forced him to eat at the the table without his teeth. Then remark what a pig he was as he ate. I was a victim of what happens in a foster care setting also, These were my growing up years as well, I was so effected by the abuses I learned to dissociate.
Both my grandmother and my parents became close friends with the social workers.
I did tell the social worker that was our foster brother. But she just went back to my parents, where I was then harshly treated for opening my big mouth. I was 12. Her name was then Ms Trudgen. In York, Pa. This was 41 years ago. How do social workers during those days, live with themselves today? do they seek out past cases? seek out making amends to those now adult children in her cases over the years?